Caught in Time
by trancexgemini
Summary: Meryl lays in bed at night next to the man she calls her partner, but is everything as it seems? MerylxSnake, post Big Shell. Oneshot. Rating for suggestive themes.


**AN** – It's no secret if you've read any of my other works that I like songfics, so here we are. I'm pretty much in love with MerylxSnake, and I've written other works on them if you're interested. I'd suggest **The Tragedy of Loving a Snake** out of all of them, considering I was a little bit younger with the others. If you don't mind some grammatical errors, go read 'em all. Yeah I know, shameless plug, what can I say? Okay, on to what you're here for, but first the...

**Disclaimer** – I don't own Metal Gear Solid, Hideo Kojima does, that beautiful, beautiful man. The song is **Poison Oak** by **Bright Eyes**, go give it a listen.

If you've stuck with me this far, you're in luck, the fic is starting. Settle in with the popcorn and perhaps some tissue?

**Regular story told in third person, flashbacks told in first person Meryl POV. **Try not to get confused!

--

Meryl Silverburgh lay awake in the dead of the night, the blue moonlight shining in, illuminating her pale face. Her girlish features that danced across the shadows betrayed the strong front she usually put forth. She always had it up, almost everywhere she went she transformed herself into the cliché "tough girl," but the night was different.

The night was always different. Her thoughts and feelings betrayed her front often, and it was becoming harder and harder for it to only be the night when her defenses were lowered, considering they were together a good portion of the day, as well.

Allowing herself a moment of happiness, she drew upward slowly and rested her upper body weight on her elbows. Leaning back on them, she lazily shifted her eyes to her bed buddy, who was none other than David, aka Solid Snake, her partner. She liked Dave better, it sounded more casual, and he allowed it. She wouldn't ever admit it, but when it rolled off of her tongue without hesitation, she felt special. The others (Hal, Jack, Rose, Mei-Ling, Campbell) always hesitated before speaking his name in such a casual manner, hell, they hesitated before even speaking his actual name. They were all afraid in some sort of way, afraid of the silent barrier that he had always surrounded himself with. Meryl could empathize with their fear, she had felt the same way long ago, but she had broken down the barrier with such ease, something nobody else had ever been able to do.

Smiling to herself, she continued to rest on her elbows carefully, trying not to cause too much movement. The Snake in Dave was a trained soldier, and because of this, he never seemed to be capable of deep sleep; his body seemed to be ever aware of even the slightest movement. A larger smile replaced her faint one as she remembered their first few nights together, she was quite a mover, and both had to learn to adjust to each other's body patterns in order to get a good night's rest. David had referred to it as a mission of patience and adaption in order to survive the night, Meryl had nearly toppled over. When she had explained that it was simply part of being in a relationship, she had held her sides to stop the stitches of laughter from overpowering her. He had huffed a bit and then called her "green" and stalked away, as he normally did when he knew she was right.

The memory was nice, as were most of them. They were dubbed "partners" from the very moment the relationship began, a personal preference of Dave's. Meryl couldn't see anything wrong with the words 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend', but Dave wouldn't have it. He had told her that it seemed so impersonal, a step above friendship, but only slightly. Partners meant trust, and trust meant loyalty. Partners seemed permanent, while boyfriend and girlfriend seemed temporary. She had been so satisfied by the fact that he saw them as something permanent that she had jumped into his arms, which ultimately lead to their first kiss.

--

_Poison oak, some boyhood bravery_

_When a telephone was a tin can on a string_

_And I fell asleep with you still talking to me_

_You said you weren't afraid to die_

--

The moonlight was beginning to turn to a lighter shade, dawn was soon approaching. Meryl hadn't slept very well, and the aching in her arms was due to having put her weight all on her elbows for such a long period of time. Cursing herself, she rose into a sitting position and shifted her eyes to his body, which lay comfortably across the bed, his chest rising and falling. She was convinced that she was the only person in the world who had ever seen him so relaxed, so at ease. She knew she was crazy to see innocence in a man who had killed so many people, but she couldn't help herself. When she looked into his eyes, she could see something that others couldn't. The cold, the gray, that's what most saw, but she knew different. There was a child, deep down inside, a child that never had the chance to be born. David was so busy growing up in war, conflict, and betrayal, that he had never known the innocence of playing tag, oh no.

He had only ever known the barrel of a gun.

That was why Meryl took it upon herself to show him innocence, even if it was was only the few short months they seemed to spend together before he was off chasing Metal Gear again. She tried to show him what he had missed growing up, only so much more adapted, more adult. Whether it be the small wink she'd give him flirtatiously before hurriedly locking the bathroom door and jumping in the shower, or the tears of happiness that made their way to her eyes every time they made love, it was innocence of the finest.

Considering he always came back to her for more, provoking her purposefully so that she would do the things he loved most, she could only assume that he loved these small, but important actions.

She was more than happy to oblige with his demands.

The first time they had made love had been the most memorable. The event itself was significant enough, but the talk afterwards was something that she could never forget. Laying back against her pillow lightly and closing her eyes, she could almost feel her body floating to that time...

--

It was shortly after we had become partners, we were both laying nude on the bed; the bedsheets strewn across the floor. I could see his shadow in the darkness, he was propped up in deep thought. I felt drained, he had taken all of my energy and had replaced it with pleasure, which began to turn into a deep exhaustion. It was silent for a long while until he seemed to snap from his thoughts, his hoarse voice rousing me out of my dreams.

"Meryl."

"..Dave?"

"I don't want anyone to know about this, about us."

At the time, I didn't know what to think. I was still half asleep, and we were both nude in my, no, our bed. It had looked bad, like he had used me for sex and then suddenly thought better of it. If I had been fully awake, I would've known better.

"Am I that embarrassing?"

Through the darkness, I could see that he had shifted to look at me, but even in the moonlight, just like now, he was impossible to read.

"You're...something good, something...special," he finished with finality.

If I had been more awake, I probably would have argued with him and asked what he meant, but the tone of finality to his voice was enough to make me quiet at the time. I remember feeling his cool fingers wrap around mine and squeeze, and that was enough for me.

His actions always did speak louder than words.

"You're going to fight Metal Gear again."

I had said it as a statement, rather than a question. I knew he was going to leave and fight again, but I wanted him to say something about it, to make me feel better about it. It was selfish, but I needed something. I could hear him sigh, he hated when I'd bring up Metal Gear. It was his life, all he talked about with everyone else. In our relationship, it seemed more of a bother than anything else, so we simply avoided it until we had to face it.

"You already know that. I'll never stop until it's destroyed."

"You might die, David."

"I wont leave you behind, Meryl."

His words had been comfort enough for me, and although I hate to admit it, I had begun to drift slowly into sleep after he spoke. I could hear him talking still, but his words had blurred together. I had known he wouldn't be angry with me, so I did nothing to rouse myself, I only took comfort in the sound of his voice.

I was still in limbo between our world and the land of slumber, still hanging on to the echo of his words as they bounced across my brain, when I heard one single sentence weave it's way through the tangle and speak to me:

"I wasn't afraid to die until I met you."

My eyes popping open, I saw a small smile form at the corners of his mouth. He had known I was sleeping, and he was aware of what woke me. Too tired to speak, I simply pleaded with my eyes for him to elaborate. His steady breathing continued until finally he spoke.

"I only ever looked out for myself, I didn't owe anything to anyone. After I met you, even though we weren't close, it felt like I had a responsibility to pay off to you. Battles became more difficult, because each time a shot was fired, I felt the fear grip me at the possibility that I'd be taken from you, and I'd never be able to take care of you. At first, it was annoying. I thought maybe it was because you were the Colonel's niece, but now I know it's just because I have someone to protect. My mission is to destroy Metal Gear first and foremost, but in the end, I know that I also have to focus on staying alive so that I can come home to you."

It was the most heartfelt confession I had ever heard from his lips, and I wanted to replay it over and over in my mind. Deciding that sleep could wait, my reply was my lips softly against his.

We made love a second time that night.

--

Even now, Meryl knew he kept true to his word, but there had been a time when she was unsure, unsure of everything he had ever told her.

He had run from her, ran from their life together, from the entire world they had shaped for each other.

What Meryl had worked so hard to create had turned into nothing but a passing memory in just a few short hours, and she could remember the gripping fear that came with the realization that it might just be gone forever.

Sliding across the bed and lightly dropping her head on his pillow, she inhaled his scent and sighed. Back then, she had been so afraid she would never smell this small bit of euphoria again, but their relationship prevailed.

Her only hope had been...

--

_Then when you turned away_

_When you slammed the door_

_When you stole the car_

--

...Hal! David and I had kept our relationship private from the others, we downright refused to discuss it. I know now that Dave felt acknowledging it to anyone else probably would have made it feel less special somehow, so I kept my mouth shut up until that point. Up until the point when I had no choice but to say something.

I had woken up to a startling scene. It was barely morning, and yet there was no sleeping man next to me. The lights all seemed to be off, everything looked out of place, as if someone had tried to hastily leave. Fear had threatened to drench my insides, but I continued to look around the apartment.

I searched high and low three times over, but there was no sign that a man had ever been in my apartment. There was no sign of David anywhere. I looked in the most ridiculous of places, cabinet drawers, the refrigerator, I even lifted up the toilet seat and peeked inside. I only longed to find something of him somewhere, just so that I could know that it wasn't true.

There was no way he would leave me, right?

The tears threatened to spill down my cheeks as I sank down into a hard kitchen chair, but I refused to let them come. I would not cry until it was completely over. David could run all he wanted, but it was never over until I had my say. I struggled to think of our friends faces, of anyone who might be able to help me. Although we didn't acknowledge our relationship to them, they weren't daft. We lived together, and they all knew it, it was just never spoke of. As the few faces ran through my mind, I felt hope as I thought of Hal Emmerich, the closest person to Dave besides me.

I arrived at Hal's place only a half hour later, I hadn't taken the time to shower. My hair was astray, my clothes were messy, my face was grim. I didn't care, it didn't matter, I just wanted to know why.

I barged in without knocking, causing him to fall out of his chair and onto the piles of research of what I assumed had to do with Metal Gear. He had barely had time to fix his glasses that had gone askew before I was in his face, gripping his shirt, my face twisted into a menacing glare.

"Where's Dave?"

"W..what?" He looked perplexed, so I continued on:

"I woke up this morning, and all of his things were gone, including his car. Don't pretend like he hasn't contacted you, I know you know something."

I was positively convinced that David would tell Hal something, Hal was his main source of Metal Gear info, the Solid Snake in David could never run without telling his pal Otacon. However, after a lot more of his perplexed stares, I was beginning to believe that he really had no idea where David had gone either. My hope draining, I sat with him in the cramped living room and sifted through the piles of Metal Gear notes. He didn't say a word about my presence, and I didn't feel the need to explain myself.

The day poured on, and I was convinced that I knew every fact about Metal Gear that Hal had managed to collect ten times over. Eventually I just laid on his couch and stared up at the ceiling, and while I could feel his stare begging to be answered, I continued to stare at the blank white ceiling while saying nothing.

My tough girl front was still up in full force until David suddenly came walking through the front door, a suitcase of what I assumed to be his things in hand. As soon as he walked in, he ignored Hal and instead dropped his suitcase and took a step towards me, his face unreadable.

He was opening and closing his mouth in an attempt to speak, but I didn't give him the chance. He had already made his point clear, and now I wanted my say. Rising off of the lumpy couch, I shakily took a few steps towards him. The tears that had been held in all day came spilling down my cheeks, and I only found myself with the strength to gasp out a few single words before the darkness reached my eyelids.

"You...failed your..mission."

**Sometime later.**

When I woke up, the familiar scent of euphoria filled my nostrils, while the moonlight bathed the entire room in a blindingly magnificent blue. I was physically and mentally exhausted, but I found the will to lift my hands and search for him anyways. Soon enough, I felt a hand grip mine, and my muscles immediately released their tension. I could see that the room was normal again, all of his things were carefully placed back into their rightful spots, and his body was next to mine in bed.

"Don't repeat what I'm saying to you tonight, understand?"

His words had surprised me, but I squeezed his hand and unconsciously nodded my head to show that I had understood.

"I'm scared, Meryl."

I sat up while keeping a firm grip on his hand, the last thing I had needed at that time was for him to think I was pulling away.

"I don't want...you involved with Metal Gear. You're my one weakness, and any smart man would take advantage of that...take advantage of you."

I knew that I could never say anything to ease that sort of fear, because he was right on all accounts. We both had known what we were doing that first night we spent together, but he let his fear overtake reason. Letting go of his hand, I slid my small frame into his lap, and I could immediately feel his leg muscles put themselves at ease.

"Are you going to stay this time?" I felt his arms wrap themselves around me, causing me to cuddle closer.

"Solid Snake never gives up on a mission."

--

_I was young enough, I still believed in war_

_Well, let the poets cry themselves to sleep_

_And all their tearful words will turn back into steam_

--

Continuing to bury her head in his pillow just to savor the simple smell, she could still remember clearly when she had first smelled his scent.

..Shadow Moses.

She had first noticed it when they met, and it the midst of the whole damn thing, she managed to summon up the courage to flirt with him a little through the Codec.

Smiling at the memories, she grazed her lips against his bare shoulder; not worried about waking him anymore. When he still didn't stir, she continued to lightly kiss his shoulder. It was a desperate attempt to take in every inch of him that she could, so that she could cling to it when he ran off on another Metal Gear tip-off again.

Memories of the tears flooded into her brain as she thought of him infiltrating that Tanker, and then again only a few short years later when he had run off to the Big Shell. He left her behind, and she had no choice but to silently weep into the empty part of the bed that constantly served as a reminder of his absence.

She had always known in her heart that he was right, she was too young, too green for all of this. Her own heart was always begging her to leave, to make the pain go away; but her brain was another matter. She was stubborn-minded, and would much rather cuddle his empty sweaters in the cold, lonely nights, than to have to walk away from him forever.

She was young, yes.

Young and in love.

--

_And I never thought this life was possible_

_You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for_

--

The love in her heart swelled as she continued to watch him sleep, opting for her original position of propping herself up on her own elbows. Never feeling that way about anyone before, sometimes the feelings that he seemed to inject straight into her heart confused her, but she wouldn't give it up for anything.

Her past had been filled with dreams of war, and the glamor that she thought was involved. David had helped her realize that it was ugly and real, he had helped her see that she wasn't cut out to be a soldier. The only reason she even opted to help with Metal Gear research was because he was so passionate about freeing the world of it's clutches, and that inspired her.

Growing up in a world of guns, bloodshed, and death, she had never imagined a normal life. Meryl knew that her life still wouldn't be considered by most, normal, but those rare, special hours that she shared with David at night made her feel like just another girl in the world, and it also helped her realize that that's what she had been craving all along – something normal.

She would often tell him that she loved him any chance that she got, just because she wanted him to constantly know that her feelings had never changed. He gave her small responses such as a squeeze of the shoulder, or a simple kiss, but never the words.

He saved his words for late at night, when she was fitted perfectly underneath him. To her, when they made love, it was like a beautiful dance underneath the sheets, a dance she never wanted to stop. The moonlight would spill across them both, making her feel invincible. He would lean in close to her during their unstoppable dance and whisper that he loved her in his harsh voice.

To Meryl, he couldn't have sounded sweeter.

Finally feeling at ease with her thoughts, she let her head drift back to her own pillow and fell into a comfortable sleep.

--

_There's a muddy field where a garden was_

_And I'm glad you got away_

_But I'm still stuck out here_

--

The sound of thunder clashing startled her awake into an uncomfortable scene. The room was completely dark save for the lightning flashes. Rubbing her hands across her cold arms, she knew that it had been light and warm the last time she had been awake. Glancing at the clock, it read three am. She was deep in thought trying to remember what time it had been when she had been awake with David, but her thoughts stopped completely when she glanced at his side of the bed and didn't see him there.

Fearing the worst, she leaped out of bed and turned the lights on. Giving a sigh of relief when she saw all of his things in place, she walked into the bathroom, expecting him to be there.

He wasn't.

She circled through the whole house, just as she had done ages ago when he had left her. Sinking into the kitchen chair, she grabbed the phone. She knew she was probably just overreacting, but she had to call. Deciding that she had already bothered Hal enough when it came to Dave, she instead dialed Jack's number and was met with Rosemary's tired voice.

"...Hello?"

"Hi..uh..is Jack around?"

"Meryl..? Oh, no..."

Feeling confused, she heard the phone being covered and could hear muffled voices on the other end. Listening hard, she caught 'doing it again' and 'poor thing'. Tapping her fingers nervously against the tabletop, she felt surprised when it wasn't Rose who greeted her this time, but Jack.

"Meryl? You're wondering about...David, right? Call Hal, he'll be up."

Hanging up the phone, the sympathy that was etched into both of their voices worried her. Had something happened to David while she was asleep?

Quickly dialing in Hal's number, he picked up on the first ring.

"Meryl?"

"How did you know it was me?"

Her surprise at his tone was nothing compared to the ever growing nervous pit in her stomach as she heard him give a long sigh on his end. Was this a bad dream?

"You want to know what happened to...David, right?"

"What's with you people, anyways? I called Rose and Jack, and they both seemed to know what I wanted, too. Does everyone know what happened to him except me!?"

She was shouting now, but Hal's tone stayed rather stoic, he indicated no realization that he had heard her yelling at all.

"Meryl, when are you going to remember? He was shot and killed, it was a set up to get us to come out. Jack was able to get out safely with you, but Snake, he...you..it's been..it's already been a few weeks, and you call me every night at the same time asking about him."

The cold that had washed itself over her body when she woke up was nothing compared to the cold that was gripping her now. It threatened to pull her into oblivion, but she fought back with her fiery red spirit that had made him love her so much in the first place, she fought back for herself, and more importantly; for him.

"You're..you're lying. His things are all in the same place, the bed..it still smells like him, I'm wearing his shirt, I'm..I was just...I was just laying with him a few hours ago, I was remembering all of the times we...you..how could you--"

Another sigh cut her off, and she felt her anger grow. How could he just sigh about something so serious like this? She was dumbfounded at everyone's sympathetic, yet uncaring attitudes.

"His things are in the same place because you refuse to move them, the bed smells like him because you refuse to wash your sheets, you wear that same t-shirt of his to bed every night, and...you always tell me you were laying with him a few hours ago, so I think...I think you were just dreaming, Meryl. I'm not trying to sound cold hearted, but we're all trying to get over his death, and I have to tell you about it every single night, and you always take it the same way. It's..difficult."

"You're a...liar."

Slamming down the receiver, she ran back into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, yanking the sheets over herself as she did so. She laid her head lightly on his pillow as she always did so she wouldn't wake him, and breathed in his scent. A whimper escaped her lips as harsh reality began to hit, but her brain instantly shut everything Hal had told her out, causing her to drift slowly back into a deep, dream-filled sleep.

When her eyes popped open, she was once again laying awake in the dead of the night, the blue moonlight shining in, which once again illuminated her pale face.

Laying her body close to his, she felt his arms wrap around her tightly.

"I feel safe," she whispered into his chest.

"Solid Snake never fails his mission."

Immersing herself in her own fantasy world, Meryl Silverburgh continued to dream her favorite moments, her favorite memories, over and over.

She was caught in time.

--

_The sound of loneliness makes me happier._

--

**AN –** I'm really hoping that made sense to everyone, I took a lot of time figuring out how exactly I'd bring it all together like that, I think it turned out nicely. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Please review, I spent a lot of time on this one, and it'd mean so much! Thanks!

PS – Is anyone else looking forward to MGS4!? I'm so excited that Meryl's going to be in it, it'll give me some new material to work with, woo-hoo! Okay, **now** I'm done.


End file.
